He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
