dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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