Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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