I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
