so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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