Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
