Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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