i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Welp...herpes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
