This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
