Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
