Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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