he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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