New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
