I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
