i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
