Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
