For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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