You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
