You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
