I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here