so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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