I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?