I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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