Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
