You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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