so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize