where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
