Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
