idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
