I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
