You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
