If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
