It's Friday. Sex?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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