remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
