Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
