remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
