i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
