i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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