fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
