Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
