Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
