I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
