Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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