I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
