your parents love me but you hate me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You're like the curious george of whores
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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