haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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