is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
