i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
