My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
