I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
