I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
