The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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