I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
