we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
