He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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