I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
