He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my poor anus
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
