I'm pants shitting drunk right now
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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