I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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