my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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