He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
