Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
