I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
