you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
