Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
