Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
a search helicopter?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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