I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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