I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
