apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
