someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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