we have officially lost it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
