I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I want is dick and wine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
