after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
