i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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