No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
