I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
