she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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