either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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