I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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