Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
