Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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