I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
