Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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