The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
