We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
