i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
