Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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