you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I didn't notice because vodka
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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