She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
